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Moving is a hard thing to do.
It was hard when I moved across town in 7th grade and it's hard moving across the country to another state now.
I don't do well with change. There's something about it, the unfamiliarity of things that frightens me. Sometimes I say I'm adventurous. SOMETIMES. Only when I feel like it. Most times, unexplored lands scare me.

But I'm convinced that going to Mississippi to attend school is in fact what the Lord has planned for me as of now, so that's where I'm going to go.
I'm excited, but boy, am I scared.

I think of all the people that the Lord told to move. Abraham. Moses and the Israelites. My mother. And my sweet friend Alicia.
I think of them, and their lives-where they were called to go, their response, and their lives now.
They all followed His voice and direction. They all obeyed. They all saw His goodness in their lives.
Abraham became the Father of nations. Moses led an entire nation from captivity. My mother created new lives for her, her children and the generations to come. Alicia is spreading His love to the hungry people of Taiwan.
These people-changing lives and affecting generations, all because they moved.
They didn't question, they just did it. I question all the time and I'm afraid- I'm only moving to Mississippi for crying out loud!
But He spoke to me the other night as I laid in my bed.
"What are you so afraid of? Have I ever left you before? Renata, you worry too much. You spend so much time letting worry consume your mind, that you can't let it trust. I will be with you now, just like I was with you then. But you need to trust me..."
This is going to be quite the process, you know, of learning how to trust. But He's right. If I don't trust Him, I'm going to miss out on the things He has for me, beyond anything I could have ever imagined all because I let worry anchor me down.
No more.
I'm dropping that anchor forever, and I'm going to follow Him. Seeking Him. Trusting Him.
May Christ be my anchor, the very rock on which I stand and the very truth that I forever follow.

He has so much in store for me. I can already feel it. Kind of like those days when you look up at the sky and you see the clouds, you inhale all the scents of rain about to fall. It's coming. Any minute now.
That's how I feel. I will not be in the dry and weary land forever, the rain is coming. New life. Hallelujah.


May His Spirit pour into my life in such a manner that the flood causes an overflow into the people around me. Because when it comes to the Kingdom of God, when it rains, it POURS.
This heart is ready.
Onward!

The Pulley Effect

"He must become greater and I must become less and less."

*John 3:30*

It's ironic isn't it? That the sure sign of growth is by decreasing.

It's because we become too full. We become too full of other things that we leave no room for Jesus to come in.

We are too full of pride, bulge with selfishness and we leave no room for Him to come in and work within us. 

So this is what John says that there must be more of Him and less of me-it's the Pulley Effect.


Let me explain.


It's simple, really. The more you tug on one side of the pulley, the less you have of the other.

The more I have of myself, the less I have of Him but the more I rid myself of me, the more I have of Him. 

Take a look....

That's what I want. I want the Holy Spirit to overtake my heart in such a way, that it drives all the gunk out. All of my selfishness, my anger, my wounds, my desires for independence that enable me to think I can do it alone. I want it all gone so that there is room for the Spirit to fill. That His light may come with such a force that the darkness that hides in the smallest corners be driven out so that it may no longer I that live, but Christ who lives within me. It's not a  better or more improved me, it's simply no longer me.

Jesus, here I am. Broken, unworthy, and so incredibly desperate for You. 
It's all yours. All of it, Yours.
May my life no longer be dictated by my selfish thoughts, but rather be filled with Your overwhelming love and mercy that would enable my hands and feet to move in obedience to Your voice.
May You be lifted high in my life Lord, in everything, be lifted high. That I may have none of me left, but all of You.

It's like the old hymn that sings 

"O Jesus Christ, Grow Thou in me

And all things else recede"

Proverbs of Pooh

As I'm about to head off for college, I sit here and I can't help but think.

I can't help but think of how different my life is going to be and how even though I've been alive for the past 18 years, in a way life is just now starting. Weird.

The truth is, I'm terrified. 

I'm terrified of going to college, especially away to college. It's like a concoction of excitement, terror, and bittersweet sorrow, all blended together to create my feelings now. 

I will say though, that even though I am extremely scared to venture off, I have to say that I have the full assurance that I'm not going into the unknown. 

Yes, it is unknown for me, but the truth is, Jesus has already gone out before me and prepared the way! I just have to follow. And even when it will seem like He's hidden from my sight when things get hard and cloudy, like the old hymnal sings, "I rest on His unchanging grace."

So yes I'm excited. And yes I'm absolutely terrified. Either way though, I know it's going to be an adventure.

And there's no way I'm passing up on that.

"A grand adventure is about to begin..."
-winnie the pooh


I couldn't have said it better myself, you old bear.

Love Is Never A Stagnant Pool

Background Story:

At the after school program I work with, there's a girl named Megan.

                                  Let's call her Megan shall we?

She used to somewhat annoy me because she would always follow me around and was extremely clingy and a couple of weeks ago she came up to me to talk to me. In that talk, she revealed to me so much that my view on her was changed. Jesus gave me COMPLETELY new eyes to see her in. She was no longer a pest, an annoyance, she was just a really hurt little girl. She explained how she spent the majority of her days with her dad, "the biggest meaniest man in the world" because he always errupted and responded with anger, shouting or spankings for the smallest things. So obviously, she was always scared of him.

Her mom worked late into the nights and would make it home only to find her brother and her asleep. Once she gave them kisses and left the room, Megan would sneak into the hallway and listen to the discussions late at night. She told me her dad hurt her feelings once when she overheard her mother tell him "But she's only seven years old!" where her dad responded "But she's SO annoying!"

I can't imagine the heart break she felt when she heard her own dad say that his own daughter was annoying, the thing she heard everyone else throughout the day label her as was affirmed by her daddy.

"So I never talk to anyone. My parents always say “Not now”, and I don't have any friends. I really don't. They all think that I'm weird and when I want to play with them they run away. So I talk to myself... BUT THAT MAKES THEM THINK I'M WEIRDER!!!"

                     I listened. I listened to her frustrations and confessions of loneliness and rejection and having no worth in the eyes of anyone. I listened to her hurts as they surfaced the more she talked. I told her "But you know that your parents love you right??" and she said, "They used to tell me, but they barely never tell me anymore." Awkwaaaaaard. What can you say to that? So I said,"But you know that I love you right? So very much! I think you're a neat girl who is smart, BEAUTIFUL, funny, and has the prettiest hair I've ever seen!"

           Her face lit up suddenly.

"And did you know that Jesus loves you even more than I love you!?! His love for you, makes my love seem like nothing! That's how much it is!"

           Her face was a vision. It was joy, amazement, astonishment and disbelief all at once. I told her to talk to me anytime she wanted. Anytime. Even if she just wanted to tell me about her day, no matter how good or bad it was."Sometimes,” I told her, “we won't be able to talk though. But when that happens, did you know that you can always talk to Jesus?"

"But HOW?! He's not even here! How do we know if He's really listening?"

I explained that she could talk to Him like He was sitting right there, next to us, to tell Him how she felt and He really does He hear even if it seems like we're talking to a wall.

"Sometimes," I said, "I tell Jesus whenever I'm super scared or sad or angry. I just say 'Jesus, you need to help me because my mom is yelling at me and I don't know what to do but I'm scared. But I know You're the only one who can help me, so Jesus, please help me feel that You're here with me, and help me calm me down.' and He ALWAYS DOES! You might not feel it right away, it's not magical, but just keep talking to Him, He'll make you feel safe and you won't even be scared. And He speaks to you in your heart. Not like a voice, but you can like, feel Him in your heart. "

"So. I can talk to Him whenever I want...? Andddd....He hears me?"

"Yup."

It was hard for her to grasp, a little frustrating too since she asked why we couldn't see Him, but I sensed her hope in what I said. As she left to go home, before she reached the door, she yelled out "WAIT!!!! CAN I TALK TO HIM IN MY HEAD TOO!?!?"

SO THE OTHER DAY:

I was walking down a hallway, holding her hand, and I asked her how things were going at home and she responded:

"Well actually, things are better. 'Cause that one time me and you talked, remember? I talked to God that night. And then the next day, my dad started yelling at me and my brother again, and I 'membered what you said, so in my head I told God that I was scared and that I needed Him to help me not be scared and then a little bit later, my dad stopped yelling and I wasn't even scared anymore. I told my mom how I talked to you and how I talked to God and my daddy doesn't yell anymore. Sometimes he gets mad, but then he calms down and doesn't yell or spank us anymore. He's nice now. The other day, I told him to have a good day as I got out of the car and you know what he said??! He said “You too! Love you!” 'Member how you said that He hears me? He does! I know so 'cause He made my daddy stop yelling. Ms. Renata, I talk to God all the time now! I tell Him everything and sometimes, I fall asleep in the middle of us talking at night. I feel Him in my heart. I feel like He's talking too. But not a lot, just a little. But it's kind of like being friends at first. I know what you're talking about Ms. Renata! Sometimes, I even hear Him tell me not to do bad things or how to be nice to my daddy. And one night, when I was scared of my closet, my daddy just shut the door but I still couldn't go to sleep, so then, I started telling God that I was scared and I just fell asleep."

 I didn't even know what to do. I literally couldn't speak because I was overwhelmed by so many emotions. I was so proud of her, so awe filled that God made Himself so real to her in things that seemed small, but that in her seven year old mind seemed huge. That being in the transformation of her dad and falling asleep after being terrified of her closet. I was so excited that she heard Him, so full of joy and ecstasy, and amazed at the way He broke into her family's relationships.

I told her to go down to the playground and assured her that I would be down in a sec. As she hopped down the stairs, I went into the bathroom and cried!!! Because I was SO AMAZED AT THE WAY THE FATHER MADE HIMSELF KNOWN- in the transformation of her dad and even in having peace after being terrified of her closet.

           Mainly, I was so amazed at how deeply the love of Christ penetrated through the rejection, the sadness, the lies and the wounds the enemy tried to instil in this little girl. I was filled with awe and astonishment, at the way His glory and power were manifested through the life of a seven year old girl, who for the first time in her life, is experiencing the love of Jesus and what it's like to be accepted in Him, and I was watching His hand orchestrate this all before my very eyes.

 Praise be to Him, who's constantly at work in our lives and making Himself known! He is the light that breaks down the walls darkness tries to build. He is our source of life that floods our hearts with joy!

Our hope.

          Our refuge.

                   Our healer.

                               Our Father.

This is the Kingdom of God. And it is real. And it is moving.

Thank you Jesus, for letting me be a part of it.

He NEVER ceases to amaze me

                                        

It Is Well

sur·ren·der - 1 a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another 2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence) intransitive senses : to give oneself up into the power of another

Sometimes, life gets a lot harder-more than you could think or come to admit.

Friends sort of vanish, loneliness seems to follow you and everything is just so dim.

And suddenly, just living takes courage. 

Yet it is in those moments, those feelings of sadness, hurt and weakness that that I hear the Savior comfort me, and He tells me to sing "It is well with my soul..."

It's in the moments where I feel like I don't even have the strength to stand up and all I can do is just trust Him, fully. 

Many, many times, I say to Him how I have surrendered everything to Him, how I have laid down all my burdens at His feet, but when the time comes where I feel so very frightened, I run back to my burdens and thrust them upon my shoulders once more. I do this out of fear. But then I ask myself "What are you afraid of?? Let God act!"
He continues to demonstrate how nothing is outside His control! He is SO much bigger than me, but for some reason, I tend to forget that. I instead focus more on the size of my problems than the size of my God and I forget that when I asked Him to be Lord of my Life, I asked Him to be Lord in ALL the areas of my life, not just the things I want to give to Him, when I feel like it. He wants it all, or He wants nothing.
He is the One in control, not me. Oh how I wish I could always see that! 
I pray that He would fix my eyes upon Him and not the circumstances!

Friends, may He whisper His peace upon your soul, that you too, would take great hope in knowing that no matter what you're feelings may be, He is the Lord of it all.

And may you remember that 
His Sovereignty calms calamities.
And so I ask you, "What are you afraid of? Let God act. Abandon yourself to Him. You will suffer, but you will suffer with love, peaceand consolation. You will fight, but you can carry off the victory, and God Himself, after having fought with you, will crown you with His own hand. You will weep, but your tears will be sweet, and God Himself will come with satisfaction to dry them. You will not be free any longer to give yourself up to your tyrannic passions, but you will sacrifice your liberty freely, and you will enter into a new liberty unknown to the world, in which you will do nothing except for love"

So trust Him, even though darkness seems to surround you, slowly swallowing you whole, the Light will break in. The dawn is coming.

You need not to despair, but rather look to the sky and wait for morning. As you wait, let the song He taught you, rise with the Sun.

This is an actual sunrise I witnessed. 

I know, I know....It left me speechless too.

God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars. 

-Martin Luther

So He speaks to me again.

and He said to me:
Obedience to 
Christ 
is not to be 
compromised.

Bravery in Class

So the other day, I was in a class, and one of my teachers had been complaining about how bad and sick they were feeling. It was so bad that they decided they couldn't take it anymore and they needed to call a substitute. So as he was going around checking everyone's homework, I decided to keep on reading a verse from my Bible.

When he finally arrived at my desk and was checking my work, he casually asked what I was reading and I (just as casually) replied that I was reading the Bible. In a joking manner he said "Well hey, maybe you can pray that I'd feel better" to which I replied "Of course! Would you like to? 'Cause I will!" ( I was very excited). Taken aback, he slowly agreed. I don't think he thought I'd take him seriously...apparently he doesn't know me very well.

    We continued in class until it was cut for our lunch break. He began to gather his things as he would head out instead of returning to class. Being the last one out (on purpose) I went up to his desk and stood there with my backpack and just began to pray for him (very awkwardly, mind you) and when I finished, he looked up and said "Wow. Um, thanks. I've never had someone pray for me like that. Much less a student *awkward laugh*". I told him that it wasn't a big deal and that I would reassure him that I would continue to pray for his healing and with that, I turned on my heel and walked out the door to lunch.

     The truth is that it was a big deal. I had prayed with my teacher, not a fellow classmate, not a friend, not some random person, but my teacher. And not only that, but I had prayed with him in the setting of a public school classroom. So tell me if that's not a big deal. If you do, I won't believe you. I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit gave me not only the oppurtunity, the eyes to see the opportunity, but also the courage to pray with my teacher. It was beyond me. I know for a fact that I would've cowardly backed out, had He not come in and taken control of the situation. But that's what it's like when we trust Him fully. Moments like that aren't rare and occasional, but they become a part of our lives. It's not so much that they appear more, it's that the Spirit reveals them more. Because the truth is, that they are always there, we, well at least I am, too scared to obey.

Anyways, it was a great and really crazy cool experience. I'm so happy about it, you don't even know. Even if something doesn't happen with my teacher right away, SOMETHING EVENTUALLY will. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few years, nevertheless, the Lord will do something in him. I'm just so glad He let me be a small part of it.

Let it not be said of us, that there's a difference between what is read in the Bible, and what is seen in our lives.

That we may stop being students of the Word and instead DOERS of the Word, and that through that, people would be won over into the Kingdom.

That's all.

Love Wins

This is why I love these Starbucks cups, cause once in a while, a quote so simple, yet so great comes along and its more meaningful than all of those "Believe in Yourself" piece of crap quotes...

His Love Endures Forever

Today was a hard day.
Due to a lot of things, but mainly because I let the enemy's voice swim around in my head. I really wanted to cry. It was one of those days, you know, the kind that it feels like you have a knot in your throat and no matter how hard you want to swallow it down, it just stays there? Yup. That's the kind. I just needed a good cry...too bad cause I didn't get one, but you know what? It was okay. Why? Because I realized something very important. I realized that for a while now, I had put my focus on the wrong person. I put my focus on a....crap.....a boy. But you know what? God spoke to me through all the hurt. Isn't that just amazing how He does that? All last night, and allll today, when I was hurting, Father was just speaking to my heart. My heart suddenly awakened to the realization that:
He's so good to me.
God is so good to me. It never ceases to amaze me to realize how much love He has for me. I just can't get enough of it.
His love endures forever. 
And I realized, that through my hurt, and through my pain, through my wounds and through my brokeness,
His love endures forever.
Thank You Jesus, for loving me so much. For seeing me in my weakness, and still loving me. For seeing me in my weakness, and in my weakness showing Your strength.
He's so good to me.

Thought for the Day...Prayer for My Life

I pray, that God would always make me uncomfortable, as to never adopt apathy but to always embrace the Kingdom of God. That I would never settle in my relationship with Father, but rather always be in constant pursuit of His Will, and His Heart.
 I pray that for not me alone, but for my generation as a whole.

Renata Moran

March 5, 2010

The Abundant Life

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."- John 10:10

A Roman soldier came to Julius Caesar to request permission to commit suicide. He was a dispirited human,a man with no hope left and no reason to carry on. Caesar looked at him. “Man,” he said, “were you ever really alive?”

That man is reflection of some of us Christians today. We've accepted Jesus and gained new eternal life through his victorious death, but still- examine yourself.

Are you even alive? REALLY alive?

I've been taking a look at John 10:10 for the past few months, I'm intrigued by it. In this verse, Jesus is talking with his disciples when he tells them “The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy but I have come so you may have life and have it more abundantly.”

Life abundantly. The word “abundant” in Greek is perisson, meaning exceedingly full, beyond measure, a quantity so abundant that is considerably much more than what one would expect or anticipate. In short, Jesus promises us a life far better than anything we could could ever create for ourselves. “No mind has concieved what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1Corinthians 2:9) Anything our own minds could create, the best life we could imagine still doesnt compare to the life he has offered us. He didn't come so that we could have normal, mediocre, everyday life, he came so that we may have it to the full! “I have come so that you may have life exceedingly full. I have come so that you may have life beyond measure. I have come so that you may have life so abundant that it is considerably much more than what you could anticipate or expect.”

The problem today however, is that we don't take a hold of this life. Because we've settled with being “okay”, we refuse to go after this life. We're too nestled in between our lives of comfort and complacency that we're scared. We're scared that the things He could call us to do will pull us out of that. We're unhappy with our spiritual lives, yet we refuse to change the way we live. If we keep living our lives the same way, we are going to keep getting the same results. We then turn to God and ask “Why don't you change me?” He looks back on us and says “When are you going to let me?”

We're scared of the adventure He holds out before us, forgetting that we do not venture off alone. If you see what Jesus tells his disciples, you see that he does not offer them an extension of physical life or an increase in materialistic things, but instead he offers the possibility of a life at a higher level, something beyond themselves. A life in obedience to Gods will, will lead and build this abundant life, creating a life nothing short of the full glory of God.

AND IT'S OURS! THIS LIFE IS CREATED AND SET OUT BEFORE US, FOR US!

Achieving the abundant life is not a a matter of once and for all, no, it's a continual process of learning, practicing, & maturing as well as failing, recovering, adjusting, enduring, & overcoming.  

We are CONSTANTLY undergoing this pruning. It is all a matter of being transformed from our likeness, into the likeness of Christ.

Paul calls it walking in the Spirit, Jesus calls it abiding in the vine.

With this joyful hope, we receive a warning: the enemy has come to kill steal and destroy. Let me tell you something: 

the moment we awaken to this abundant life and REALLY go after the full potential we are capable of through Jesus, the enemy is done for. If he can keep you blind to that truth completely, good. If He can keep you from reaching that potential-even better. Which is why he will do ANYTHING to hold you back from it. He fears you. This is why he attacks us and we see sin come to seduce us, hardships and suffering stumble in to destroy us...for good. So do not be surprised when he comes in for the attack, on the contrary, stand your ground. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy. So my question is, WHY WOULD WE ASSUME THAT HE WANTS TO DO ANYTING OTHER THAN THAT? Why do we minimize his intentions? You've been equiped with the proper equipment to ward him off, to defeat him. You have a battle to fight and a victory to claim.

It is when we tap into this fount of abundant life when we ourselves are changed that our neighborhoods, our schools, our workplaces are transformed and the hearts of our friends and family that we've so desperately fought for, begin to melt. When we are in obedience with his will, we are in his will. This is the difference of being not just a student of the word but rather a DOER of the Word. This is when love, joy, peace, patience and all the other fruits of the Spirit are produced.

That is when the stuff that we read about in the Bible is no different than what is seen in our lives.

With Everything

I was sitting in my bed late at night and since I had no school the next day, I decided to go ahead and just spend time with the Father in exulting Him in worship. So this song came on and as I sang the words, and got lost in worshipping the Father the verse in Psalms that says "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand days elsewhere." came to my mind and it became the song my heart cried out. I realized that just the little while I was sitting there, gloryfing Him for all that He is,I was in His presence, and that's where I belong. Nothing else satisfies me the way He satisfies me when I'm just praising Him. In all of his ways, in everything He does, in everything He is, He's so glorious! So majestic! So INCREDIBLE! My heart cannot even begin to fathom it! This song is a summary of what I want in my life.

•  I want to love people the way Jesus loved them, with pure and sincere LOVE, and that though the way I live my life and the way I love people, I want them to see Jesus in that.Father, open my eyes that I may see them the way you see them! 
• I want nothing for myself, but everything all for the sake of the Kingdom of God. What does it mean to "lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus" ? It means that what we do now, we do not do it for ourselves. Though we recieve glory here on earth because the Father is at work in us, we give it to Jesus, because HE is the one that deserves that glory. We are NOTHING apart from Him and He chose to use us. What an HONOR! So I can do nothing else, but to give glory to He who deserves the glory, the Glorious One.  
• I want more of HIM and less of ME.  
• To see the day when EVERYONE will see Jesus in His reverance and beauty and their songs will join in mine. FINALLY, the day everyone will see Him, for who He is. What a beautiful day that will be. All will see His glory, all see His majesty,all we see the King come in through the courts and see Him on the throne. Hallelujah for that day. 

With everything, we will praise and worship the Living God.

The Beauty in Suffering

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring in which case, you were meant to have it. That is a very encouraging thought.



Man, just go back and read what Gandalf tell Frodo one more time...." but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Very often, we expect God to show up in our lives very dramatically like, in the middle of thunderous booming voices, in chaos swirling around us. But most of the time, that's not the way he chooses to show up...at all. In fact, God doesn't always make Himself obvious. Very often He will work in the subtlest of ways and allows us to go on dangerous adventures, not because he couldn't accomplish the task himself, but because he wants US to grow and he wants to use us. It may not be obvious or even what you expect, but God is ALWAYS at work in your life. Whether you realize it or not.
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."
-2 Thessalonians 3:3.
That is the promise we receive once we surrender our lives to him. That even though, in the middle of our suffering and weakness, we receive strength, for HE is our strength and he is our refuge, our fortress when the enemy and his armies come to take us. Death is not taking us, no- LIFE is SWALLOWING us. We really do serve an awesome God. Even when we're surrounded by enemies, betrayed by our friends or overwhelmed by all the brokenness around us, God is that CONSTANT source of good and of love in our lives.
"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"
-Romans 8:31-32
Do we not realize the POWER in that?! If God is for us, for ME, then who can possibly prevail?! “There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil” God is still at work. He is still on the move. Though we seem like we're being worn down by all the things crashing down on us as we take our stand, we must, must, MUST remember that the “light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:5) The darkness WILL NOT overcome it. Isn't that the very thing that the blood of Jesus came to accomplish? That through his blood, we would now have power in and through the blood as well? Therefore, we too are now able to cast out the works of the enemy and all the realms of darkness he holds. now that we are co-heirs and conquerors with Christ Jesus, is that not the authority we posses?! We are no longer held in his captivity! We serve an amazing and powerful God, who goes out before us and fights on our behalf and only wants to rescue us.
The legend is true, look around-like in LOTR, evil is real. It is all around us. However,
  hope is not lost. There is good. God is guiding this world and providing a way for you to make it through. He is our path, He is our way, will we follow him? He doesn't promise that we'll be safe in comfortable along the way. In fact, it might seem to only get even harder to follow Jesus. He doesn't promise that our closest friends won't betray us, but we ARE told that we can travel a road that is based on truth, beset by evil, constructed in love and ultimately guided and protected by a good and loving God. Even so He promises to us that if we are faithless, He remains faithful. Meaning-If we choose to wander off and pursue our own desires, he will never leave us, He REFUSES to leave us. If our entire world collapses and shatters to the depths of the ground, we are still the children of a mighty, loving, caring and healing Father who will restore our hearts and bind our wounds back up again. 
THAT, is a very encouraging thought....

Struck down but not destroyed.

The second official Monday morning prayer meeting took place today. It actually went really great but I realized that as great as this is going, it's quite clear to me that this is something the enemy is very much against.
"Well of COURSE the enemy is not happy, Renata, duh."
you may think that.
But up until now, this hasn't seemed so real to me.
It seems that everytime this meeting happens, I experience some insane attack.
For example: the first time I had the meeting, the librarians started getting on our case for being "too loud and out of control" when we, weren't doing ANYTHING. We weren't being loud or disturbing anyone because we were in the very back on purpose. However, the librarian came out snapping and making threats to tattle on coaches if we didn't be quiet. It was so ridiculous.

This time, all last night I couldn't sleep as I lay in bed, tracing the shadows on my wall let in by the moon, worrying over the meeting. Finally, when I was able to go to sleep, I woke up due to a nightmare that had to do with the prayer meeting, and after a few minutes I was able to fall asleep again. But once again, I began having nightmares.
Ok, for the record, I haven't had a nightmare this intense since I was like, 10 years old.
It started with me arriving at the meeting late and everyone waiting for me. Then, when I tried to speak, I just stumbled over my words as if I barely spoke the English language and turned every shade of red with the embarrassment I was feeling. I also forgot my Bible and so when I tried to quote Scripture from memory, everyone scoffed at me and whispered loudly how much of a fake and "oh-look-at-me" Christian I was. As I stood there, hearing their evil words towards me, I thought about running out the door, when a girl that I have been praying for, for a reallyyy long time came up to me and said "Why are you even doing this? No one even wants to be here, and you're not even prepared. You show up late and don't even bring your Bible, you have NO idea what to say to us and all we see when we look at you is a bunch of bullshit. So I see you, looking at the door, thinking about leaving, and I just want to tell you, to go ahead. Leave. Because it's not like anything is coming out of this anyways."
Tell me if that's not the most harshest things you could hear someone say to you.
I woke up around 5am, and felt my lip quivering and as I moved my face across my pillow, I felt its wetness against my cheek. I was crying. So I just sat up and cried some more. It seemed so real, almost like a prophecy of what was to happen. And at that moment, I was scared.
I arrived today at the new meeting spot (since we were kicked out by the librarians) and opened the door. I was on time, hoping to undo the curse of the dream I had but when I stepped inside, I froze, no one was even there. But about 2 seconds later, my faithful friends, Nick and Nathaniel showed up ( I seriously love those guys. Their dedication, loyalty and support means more to me than they could possibly know.And I'm so grateful to have them with me) , giving me a relief of some sort. We talked for a bit and then another girl, Alli, showed up. And then a few minutes afer, Ana, the girl from lunch, took a seat around the table as well. Then along came Jon, and before I knew it, I had a group. It started good, talking about our week, one by one, everyone cracked jokes and told stories of the everyday "adventures" they had. After everyone said something, I asked the question that was really the whole purpose of the meeting...
"and how is everyone doing spiritually?"
Alli was the first one to share, and I must say, I was extremely proud of her, sharing a little bit of her heart with a group she had never met before. Then, little by little, everyone's hearts seemed to open up and talked about their inner struggles about home, and about standing firm against the influences of the crowd that could cause damage. And time flew by, no one even really heard the bell and we just kept talking. Nick, who was supposed to go get breakfast decided to skip out on it just so he could continue to share. There's a lot that the group is facing, a lot of places where they have to grow in, but hell, I'm right there with them. But we had a breakthough. It was no longer a "Can you pray for my physics grade?" or such, but it was deeper and more serious, and we also promised to hold each other accountable in our walks. THAT, is a big deal alone. And as we closed in prayer, which Nathaniel led us in, other kids that were entering the class, that hadn't been there for the meeting, decided to join in on the prayer. How awesome is that?
My dream, was a lie,a false image, a threat, and an evil attack from the enemy himself. None of what the girl in my dream said was true. And I refuse to believe it will ever be true. Jesus has called me to do this and I will continue to be obedient. He knows my heart and who I truly am and that's all that matters.
Oh Father, help me to continue to hold fast to you, even when it seems like I want to quit, like the lies from the enemy are too real, help me drown out his lies with the words of truth You have spoken. Help me prevail over him every time time he spits his venom and prowls around me. Thank You for Your blood, which holds more power and more authority than he will ever be able to put up against. Thank you Jesus, that when I call upon Your Name, Your beautiful, precious, Holy and powerful Name, I am saved.
and now Satan, and now death, and now darkness...
Where is your sting?

We had our first prayer meeting. It didn't have the turnout that the "See You at the Pole" event did, number wise, but I got to see who my "faithful" dedicated followers are, per say, about 4 not including myself showed up. It was kinda cool though, because it started out with just talk and then it became a deeper talk. The people were quick with their answers when I asked for prayer requests, giving your typical answers, school, family, you know, life in general. But as I rushed over to the table where I was late, I saw the girl I had been sitting with at lunch at the table next to the group and even though I was out of breath, I was like "what the heck," and invited her to pray with us. I didn't see her for the rest of the day after that, but when I got home and checked my Facebook, this happened to be her status....



Ana Merino
had one of the best days at school!! started with a pray with Renata Moran and (meet) some cool people....

thats what the girl that I've started to sit with wrote!!!! Needless to say, I was pretty dang excited.

Risk

Today, I got the great opportunity to sit with a girl from one of my classes for lunch.
Yesterday, I asked her about her friends at school, and she told me that she didn't really have friends at our school but rather other ones within our district. So then I asked her "So then, who do you sit with at lunch?" and she told me nonchalantly, "Oh I just sit by myself in the library and do work, you know, get things done." "Can I sit with you tomorrow? I'll meet you there for lunch." and although she was taken by surprise, she agreed.
So today, I ate lunch with her. We actually had a great talk, about our beliefs and thoughts on some parts of life, and I realized that this girl is pretty cool. My plan is to continue to sit with her, the days we have the same lunch, and build an actual friendship. Hopefully something good will come out of it, I don't know what I'm expecting, but I'm expecting it will be something great.

So thus far, it's been good. We sit together and we talk. She tells me about life, her brothers, her worries, her opinions and I listen. But this is good. This girl is really opening up, and we're really becoming friends not just acquaintances. It's hard though, don't get me wrong, I want to sit with my friends where I know I won't have awkward moments, but if I want this girl to know I really care, I can't just sit with her once. That is not enough. It must be persistent. This is what I want to do. To go beyond the realms of my comfort; of sitting with the people I know and befriend the people that can't seem to find a friend, anyone. I want to be the one to go, find them and sit with them and in the process, get to know them. It's going to be interesting, I may get rejected (I actually have, on quite a few occasions) or I may have to face awkward conversations where I resort to talking about the soy milk they are drinking, it's all a risk. Buts honestly, it's a risk worth taking.