The second official Monday morning prayer meeting took place today. It actually went really great but I realized that as great as this is going, it's quite clear to me that this is something the enemy is very much against.
"Well of COURSE the enemy is not happy, Renata, duh."
you may think that.
But up until now, this hasn't seemed so real to me.
It seems that everytime this meeting happens, I experience some insane attack.
For example: the first time I had the meeting, the librarians started getting on our case for being "too loud and out of control" when we, weren't doing ANYTHING. We weren't being loud or disturbing anyone because we were in the very back on purpose. However, the librarian came out snapping and making threats to tattle on coaches if we didn't be quiet. It was so ridiculous.
This time, all last night I couldn't sleep as I lay in bed, tracing the shadows on my wall let in by the moon, worrying over the meeting. Finally, when I was able to go to sleep, I woke up due to a nightmare that had to do with the prayer meeting, and after a few minutes I was able to fall asleep again. But once again, I began having nightmares.
Ok, for the record, I haven't had a nightmare this intense since I was like, 10 years old.
It started with me arriving at the meeting late and everyone waiting for me. Then, when I tried to speak, I just stumbled over my words as if I barely spoke the English language and turned every shade of red with the embarrassment I was feeling. I also forgot my Bible and so when I tried to quote Scripture from memory, everyone scoffed at me and whispered loudly how much of a fake and "oh-look-at-me" Christian I was. As I stood there, hearing their evil words towards me, I thought about running out the door, when a girl that I have been praying for, for a reallyyy long time came up to me and said "Why are you even doing this? No one even wants to be here, and you're not even prepared. You show up late and don't even bring your Bible, you have NO idea what to say to us and all we see when we look at you is a bunch of bullshit. So I see you, looking at the door, thinking about leaving, and I just want to tell you, to go ahead. Leave. Because it's not like anything is coming out of this anyways."
Tell me if that's not the most harshest things you could hear someone say to you.
I woke up around 5am, and felt my lip quivering and as I moved my face across my pillow, I felt its wetness against my cheek. I was crying. So I just sat up and cried some more. It seemed so real, almost like a prophecy of what was to happen. And at that moment, I was scared.
I arrived today at the new meeting spot (since we were kicked out by the librarians) and opened the door. I was on time, hoping to undo the curse of the dream I had but when I stepped inside, I froze, no one was even there. But about 2 seconds later, my faithful friends, Nick and Nathaniel showed up ( I seriously love those guys. Their dedication, loyalty and support means more to me than they could possibly know.And I'm so grateful to have them with me) , giving me a relief of some sort. We talked for a bit and then another girl, Alli, showed up. And then a few minutes afer, Ana, the girl from lunch, took a seat around the table as well. Then along came Jon, and before I knew it, I had a group. It started good, talking about our week, one by one, everyone cracked jokes and told stories of the everyday "adventures" they had. After everyone said something, I asked the question that was really the whole purpose of the meeting...
"and how is everyone doing spiritually?"
Alli was the first one to share, and I must say, I was extremely proud of her, sharing a little bit of her heart with a group she had never met before. Then, little by little, everyone's hearts seemed to open up and talked about their inner struggles about home, and about standing firm against the influences of the crowd that could cause damage. And time flew by, no one even really heard the bell and we just kept talking. Nick, who was supposed to go get breakfast decided to skip out on it just so he could continue to share. There's a lot that the group is facing, a lot of places where they have to grow in, but hell, I'm right there with them. But we had a breakthough. It was no longer a "Can you pray for my physics grade?" or such, but it was deeper and more serious, and we also promised to hold each other accountable in our walks. THAT, is a big deal alone. And as we closed in prayer, which Nathaniel led us in, other kids that were entering the class, that hadn't been there for the meeting, decided to join in on the prayer. How awesome is that?
My dream, was a lie,a false image, a threat, and an evil attack from the enemy himself. None of what the girl in my dream said was true. And I refuse to believe it will ever be true. Jesus has called me to do this and I will continue to be obedient. He knows my heart and who I truly am and that's all that matters.
Oh Father, help me to continue to hold fast to you, even when it seems like I want to quit, like the lies from the enemy are too real, help me drown out his lies with the words of truth You have spoken. Help me prevail over him every time time he spits his venom and prowls around me.
Thank You for Your blood, which holds more power and more authority than he will ever be able to put up against.
Thank you Jesus, that when I call upon Your Name, Your beautiful, precious, Holy and powerful Name, I am saved.
and now Satan, and now death, and now darkness...
Where is your sting?
