Monday, July 25, 2011

You are HERE

Moving is a hard thing to do.
It was hard when I moved across town in 7th grade and it's hard moving across the country to another state now.
I don't do well with change. There's something about it, the unfamiliarity of things that frightens me. Sometimes I say I'm adventurous. SOMETIMES. Only when I feel like it. Most times, unexplored lands scare me.

But I'm convinced that going to Mississippi to attend school is in fact what the Lord has planned for me as of now, so that's where I'm going to go.
I'm excited, but boy, am I scared.

I think of all the people that the Lord told to move. Abraham. Moses and the Israelites. My mother. And my sweet friend Alicia.
I think of them, and their lives-where they were called to go, their response, and their lives now.
They all followed His voice and direction. They all obeyed. They all saw His goodness in their lives.
Abraham became the Father of nations. Moses led an entire nation from captivity. My mother created new lives for her, her children and the generations to come. Alicia is spreading His love to the hungry people of Taiwan.
These people-changing lives and affecting generations, all because they moved.
They didn't question, they just did it. I question all the time and I'm afraid- I'm only moving to Mississippi for crying out loud!
But He spoke to me the other night as I laid in my bed.
"What are you so afraid of? Have I ever left you before? Renata, you worry too much. You spend so much time letting worry consume your mind, that you can't let it trust. I will be with you now, just like I was with you then. But you need to trust me..."
This is going to be quite the process, you know, of learning how to trust. But He's right. If I don't trust Him, I'm going to miss out on the things He has for me, beyond anything I could have ever imagined all because I let worry anchor me down.
No more.
I'm dropping that anchor forever, and I'm going to follow Him. Seeking Him. Trusting Him.
May Christ be my anchor, the very rock on which I stand and the very truth that I forever follow.

He has so much in store for me. I can already feel it. Kind of like those days when you look up at the sky and you see the clouds, you inhale all the scents of rain about to fall. It's coming. Any minute now.
That's how I feel. I will not be in the dry and weary land forever, the rain is coming. New life. Hallelujah.

May His Spirit pour into my life in such a manner that the flood causes an overflow into the people around me. Because when it comes to the Kingdom of God, when it rains, it POURS.
This heart is ready.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Pulley Effect

"He must become greater and I must become less and less."
*John 3:30*

It's ironic isn't it? That the sure sign of growth is by decreasing.
It's because we become too full. We become too full of other things that we leave no room for Jesus to come in.
We are too full of pride, bulge with selfishness and we leave no room for Him to come in and work within us. 
So this is what John says that there must be more of Him and less of me-it's the Pulley Effect.

Let me explain.

It's simple, really. The more you tug on one side of the pulley, the less you have of the other.
The more I have of myself, the less I have of Him but the more I rid myself of me, the more I have of Him. 

Take a look....

That's what I want. I want the Holy Spirit to overtake my heart in such a way, that it drives all the gunk out. All of my selfishness, my anger, my wounds, my desires for independence that enable me to think I can do it alone. I want it all gone so that there is room for the Spirit to fill. That His light may come with such a force that the darkness that hides in the smallest corners be driven out so that it may no longer I that live, but Christ who lives within me. It's not a  better or more improved me, it's simply no longer me.

Jesus, here I am. Broken, unworthy, and so incredibly desperate for You. 
It's all yours. All of it, Yours.
May my life no longer be dictated by my selfish thoughts, but rather be filled with Your overwhelming love and mercy that would enable my hands and feet to move in obedience to Your voice.
May You be lifted high in my life Lord, in everything, be lifted high. That I may have none of me left, but all of You.

It's like the old hymn that sings 
"O Jesus Christ, Grow Thou in me
And all things else recede"

Monday, July 4, 2011

My Buttons for YOUR Blog!!

here they are!! aren't they just cuuuute as a "button?"??

I know, I know, that was an AWFUL pun but I couldn't just pass up the chance to say it ya know??
If you want one, because you know, it'll look soooo perfect on your page of "Blogs I Love", copy and paste the code where you see these images on the right of my blog! Spread the love by spreading the buttons!! Wait, that doesn't make sense...whatever, it's 1am and I don't even know what I'm saying to be honest. Just get the buttons, okay? Or I'll have to ramble on with more nonsense...

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Here Comes the Sun

You know what I love?? And you may think I'm absolutely out of my mind, buuut... I really love waking up early in the mornings- I'm talking like 3:30am and heading out the door by 4am. Am I out of my mind?? Yes, I think I am somewhat, seeing how I'm not quite THAT awake just yet. But I get in my car and I drive. There's never a premeditated destination, there's never a time limit, never even a sense of time itself. It's just me in my car with some music. Some mornings it's worship music, other's its the soothing vocals of Billie Holiday or the happy trumpet of Louis Armstrong falling into the silence of the empty highway and all other musicians your grandparents used to listen to or even the instrumentals of Explosions in the Sky. I just drive.
But thanks to recent rising gas prices, I don't have the luxury of just driving aimlessly so instead I find a place to go to and then sit in my car and I watch the sun rise. It's always amazing to me, as the sun breaks through the bleakness and dark sky. It just slowly pierces through and all of a sudden, the darkness is pulled back and the colors flood in. Blue, purple, orange, pink. They're not the shades that you can find in a Crayola crayon box but theyre new. Every single day the shades are new. And they're smeared across the sky. It's always fun to look at. I kind of think that God isn't super precise on it, I think He just gets creative. Kind of like when you're a kid and you play with fingerpaint. You don't ever have a certain picture in your mind, you just know that you're having fun dipping your fingers in the wet paint and let them do the creating. I feel like God's like that sometimes. Just kind of like "Let's see what I can do today..."
And I'm amazed by it. Seriously, I stare into the sky until a new shade appears and my excitement bubbles up.

This morning was especially wonderful.
I looked up into the sky and I was so taken aback, my breath left my body.
And I soaked in the warm air and the colors, I gave thanks to Him for the beauty He allowed me to see. I think He does stuff like that, little things like painting the sky because He knows how much joy it brings me. And then He said to me, in the smallest voice:

"Do you like it??"
"Yes Lord, its absolutely amazing."
and like an excited parent giving their child a really good gift, He replied,
"Good. I was hoping you would. I did it for you, you know..."

My heart was filled with absolutely filled with joy.
He did it for me. For my own enjoyment. The wholeeee sky, He made for me.

some songs I listen to...

The soothing jazz...

The heartwarming instrumentals...

The song of praise...